Intentions, intentions, intentions,
Using your intentions to ease Christmas stress with your teen.
Well, the festive season is upon us - it is the time to be jolly, only I find that for most parents this time of year can be anything but jolly! As a coach I get more cries for help over Christmas and New Year then any other time. And I am here to tell you that actually, you don’t need me, you can take care of this all by yourself. So since this is the season to give gifts I want to give you one that you can use over the festive season to make this a joyous occasion for you and since we are talking about your relationship with your teenager, that is where I will start. First of all I want you to look at your thoughts about your teenager and your relationship with them. What I know about your thoughts is that somehow they make their way to intentions and then somehow without any help from us become reality. Think back to all the times you knew that certain things would happen and the intention that you set yourself even before that thing did happen. My guess as well is that many of your thoughts are negative at present so if it works that way then you can bet your bottom dollar it works the other way too.
So take a look, what are your present thoughts about your teenager and how they may behave over these holidays - are you having thoughts about all the difficulties they may cause? How they may get under your feet? May not be appreciative of presents? Don’t worry, you are not alone.
So here is the intention game - look at the intentions you have and just flip them around. For example, “My teenager is going to be really unhelpful, I just know it.” This statement can so easily become, “My teenager is going to be so helpful and we are going to have a wonderful time together.”
What I know about teenagers and people is that once we see them in a different light, they somehow step up to the challenge and begin to become the perception we have of them. So remind yourself, intentions, intentions, intentions! Get playful with the space you can create for your teen to become a bigger and better person.
So that may work with the little things but you may need some more rocket fuel as back up, should this wear thin for you. So for that extra kick into action ask yourself these questions…
What don’t I want to happen today, in this situation, over the holidays? What do I want to happen today, in this situation, over the holidays? What intentions do I need to flip around to make this happen? How do I want to feel today, in this situation, over the holidays? What actions can I take right now to begin to have these feelings?
Start asking for what you want and how you want your teenager to be with you over these holidays. See how this works for you and notice if the behaviour of your teenager changes. Have a fantastic Christmas.
About the Author
Sarah Newton founded Coaching 4 Teens in 2002. She quickly built a reputation for delivering quality coaching that produced quick results. She was among the first eight people to be trained in the Parent as Coach approach. To this approach Sarah brings her own experiences of working with teenagers for four years training them in such topics as crime, drugs, safety and citizenship.