ParentalNotes.com - Parenting Articles and Resources

Temper Tantrums

August 29th, 2007 | Category: Parenting

Temper tanturms are absolutely the best way to diminish the sense of power and control you are trying to gain by having them in the first place.
Temper tantrums. They’re a great way of putting a problem off until a later time. They feel good, they’re just plain fun to have sometimes. Give you a sense of power, don’t they?

Did you know that most of the time, when you have a real temper tantrum you have given up just about all your control over your own destiny?

Begin at the beginning, I always say.

The temper tantrum has a remarkable history in our collective humanity. It’s how we got our first diaper changes, bottles, solid foods, etc. In some cases it’s how we got our first cookies, extra ten minutes at the amusement park, ice cream, extension of curfew, “win” in a fight with a significant other, etc.

A classic “win-lose” situation.

When you get what you want by having a temper tantrum, you completely and totally reinforce in someone else’s mind the fear and/or lack of respect for your decision making capacity that had that person “cave in” in the first place. They’re not rewarding your good judgement. They’re giving you what you want to shut you up.

Think that’s a basis to CONTINUE getting what you want?

Look at the TV show “Cops.” Lots of temper tantrums there. Mostly by folks who are or shortly will be sitting handcuffed in the back of police cars. The grown up version of Mom or Dad have come to send them to “time-out” when they have their tantrum.

I see most of these people desperately wanting to assert their sense of power and control in a world in which they have neither. That’s all the more reinforced when someone is reading them their rights.

Every once in a while I have a temper tantrum at home…usually at one of my dauthers for a messy room or kitchen. As soon as they see it coming (they’ve gotten very good at looking for my tanturms), they shut down, start crying, do whatever it takes to escape the wrath of Hurricane Larry.

Funny thing is my wife often comes in as the quiet voice of reason and gets them to do willingly what I tried to get them to do through a tantrum.

(Fear not…I’ve also gotten very good at apologizing for my tantrums, now few and far between.)

Same process works in reverse…if my wife has a fight with one of the ladies that has escalated beyond reason, I’ll come in as the “good cop” and get done what needs to be done.

Temper tantrums are a street drug.

They give you a false sense of power and control, when in reality you diminish both. They make you feel good in the short run but reduce your health and well-being in the long run. They make people lose respect for you, even if you get what you want in the immediate situation.

A PATTERN of temper tantrums to get what you want (it’s not the human condition to never have them) is for losers.

Be a winner. Lose the tantrums.

About the Author

Larry and Diane Hochman operate New You Marketing, a successful home business training and development program, in addition to their own home business from their residence in Bristol Connecticut. To receive Larry’s FREE on-line four week home business development course, send a blank email to HomeBizMiniCourse@infogeneratorpro.com To subscribe to The Next Wave, Larry’s free newsletter about home business development, email to: TheNextWave@infogeneratorpro.com

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Temper Tantrums

385 Comments so far