Ten Steps to Calming Your Children’s Fears
Ten practical steps parents can take to help their children feel more secure, confident, and unafraid.
Images of war, terrorism, and natural disaster play daily on our TV screens, searing frightening images into the minds of our children. How do we explain these events to our children? What are we doing to help them cope with the fears these events can cause? What are we saying to enable them to feel safe and secure? Here are some active, positive steps you can take to help your children conquer their fears, including the fear of war and terrorism:
1. Be aware of the maturity level and emotional needs of your children. Kids need to feel safe. If they have been exposed to news coverage of war and terrorism, their sense of safety has probably been undermined?but the damage is not irreversible.
2. Limit your children’s exposure to disturbing and frightening images on TV. Reassure your children that they are safe, that both you and God are watching over them, and that there is nothing to worry about.
3. Listen with care and sensitivity to the questions your children ask. When they ask questions, children sometimes express their fears in oblique or indirect ways: “Were there children in those airplanes? Were there kids in those buildings? What does ‘anthrax’ mean?” They may not tell you directly, “I’m scared,” but that is frequently what those questions mean. Be sensitive to the unspoken fears that underlie their spoken questions. Kids are completely dependent and powerless. They look to you for reassurance. Make sure you listen to them, and let them know they are heard and they are okay.
4. Hold your children. Let them hear the soothing warmth of your voice. Let them feel the strong, comforting security of your arms.
5. Affirm the normal feelings of your children. Don’t dismiss or minimize your children’s fears or sadness. Acknowledging their fear is a necessary step to helping them overcome their fears. Let them know it’s okay to feel sad or afraid when bad things happen, then reassure them that they are safe and that you won’t let anything bad happen to them.
6. Explain terrible events to your kids in ways that are appropriate to their emotional maturity. Keep it simple and non-threatening. It’s okay to explain to your children, “Yes, there are mean people in the world, but the police are going to catch the mean people and make sure they can’t hurt anyone again.” Avoid focusing on terrorists and their scary, evil acts. Instead, focus on the courageous actions of rescue workers, police, firefighters, doctors, nurses, civic leaders, and the military as they work to save lives, alleviate suffering, and defend our freedom.
7. Find ways to involve the entire family in bringing good out of tragedy. Use times of tragedy to teach your children what it means to be people of courage and compassion. Encourage your children to do acts of kindness, such as giving money to relief efforts or praying for people who have been hurt and for rescue workers. Let your kids know that you are helping by giving blood and charitable donations.
8. Be aware of changes in your children’s behavior. Are your kids experiencing nightmares or sleep loss? Do they seem moody or jumpy? Do they seem unduly alarmed by noises or airplanes overhead? Have you noticed changes in appetite or behavior, particularly changes that have lasted two weeks or more? Consider seeking professional help for your child from a doctor, therapist, or qualified counselor.
9. Focus on building the faith of your children. Spending family time in prayer and Scripture reading is an excellent way to encourage your children in troubled times.
10. Be careful how you talk about scary events in front of your children. Avoid emotional outbursts or expressions of fear. Radiate confidence, courage, and caring to your children. Say only words that will help them to feel safe and secure. Kids are like sponges?the soak up everything they hear, including feelings of anger, fear, and worry. If you are confident in their presence, they will be confident, too.
About the Author
Jim Denney has written more than 60 published books, both fiction and nonfiction. His latest book, ANSWERS TO SATISFY THE SOUL, may be ordered by calling 1-800-497-4909. Visit Jim?s website at http://www.denneybooks.com/.